Very forgetful of his lines in later years, a number of bits of script were placed on stage in strategic positions to jog his memory. In one particular production a telephone rang and unfortunately he had totally dried. He picked up the phone and turned to the other actor and said 'It's for you'.
A NEWCOMER
During a production at Wimbledon a somewhat timid and new asm had to 'go on the book' at the last minute. During Act II the actors totally dried, she immediately ran up to the manager's office and asked "Please, the actors have forgotten their lines, what do I do?
RONNIE BARKER (Actor / Comedian / Writer)
His worst brick dropped was to a man who had been dressing him in a West End play for five or six months. They were discussing the merits or otherwise of a couple of singers who had appeared on television the night before. He obviously liked them more than he.
"Well in my opinion" said he, helping him on with is jacket, "they grow on you." "Yes - like warts' Ronnie replied wittily and turned round. His face was covered in them
NORMAN HARTNELL (The Queen's Couturier)
Was lunching one day at a country house when a lull in the conversation left him to compliment his hostess on a silver trophy in the centre of the table.
"I won it for one of my jumpers" his hostess explained.
"How clever" he replied "Could you knit one for me?"
RONNIE SCOTT (The Late Musician Club Owner)
A friend of his lost his dog one night. The next morning it returned with the neighbour's dead pet rabbit proudly held between his teeth. His friend guiltily washed and blow-dried the rabbit, scrambled over the garden wall and replaced it in its pen. Later, the neighbour visited, visibly distressed. He asked if all was well. 'No' said the neighbour, 'just as our son was getting over the death of his pet rabbit, which we buried yesterday, some swine's dug it up, washed it and put it back in the pen'.
The Dankworths once performed at Carnegie Hall in a classy promotion for a new Japanese car. Also on the bill were an infant prodigy and Itzhak Perlman, who caused some confusion among the sponsors when he announced that his first piece was by Kreisler.
A group of RSC actors wrote to Jimmy Saville when Nunn was artistic director of the company.
They asked if Jim could fix it for them to meet him.
When Trevor Nunn auditioned actress Rebecca Storm, for Aspects Of Love said 'No! No! But I think you'd be perfect as Fantine in my production of Les Miserables'. She replied 'But I am now playing Fantine in your production of Les Miserables'.
RUDOLF NUREYEV (Dancer / Choreographer)
In Miami Rudi and Liz Robertson were playing the end of Act 1 in The King And I when Rudi barely made the stage in time for his entrance and was immediately distracted. To Mrs Anna's and the audience's confusion, the King's lines were peppered with frantic calls of 'Matt - the phone!' to the stage manager in the wings, accompanied by frantic mimings, this continued throughout the scene. Eventually the curtain fell and Rudi raced to his dressing room. It transpired that in his dash to the stage he had interrupted a long - distant call to Paris and had left the receiver off the hook. He was paying for the call.
STAGE MANAGER THEATRE ROYAL BATH
This wonderful and very professional Stage Manager suffered from the most dreadful stammer and told us this story against himself.
During a scene change in a panto, he shouted to the flys 'Drr drr drr drr drr drop the bbb bbb bbb bbb bbbackcloth in - Oh! fffff fffff fffff fffff ffffforget it, it's ttttt ttttt ttttt tttoo llll llll llll ll late!
Took him the entire coffee break to tell us but was well worth it!
ME
While Stage Director for Ballet Rambert on arriving at a theatre for the Sunday 'Get In / Fit Up' and going on stage, I overheard the head flyman leaning over the fly-rail saying
'Oh Gawd, not Er again!'
DAME MARGOT FONTEYN (Prima Ballerina Assoluta)
During her Farewell Tour, we played the tiny Civic Darlington. The theatre went mad and installed a new stage surface beautifully polished!!! The management brought in literally 1000s of flowers to decorate the boxes, the orchestra pit - everywhere, the florists had spent hours. On our arrival the scent of the flowers was beautifully overwhelming. Half way through our 'Fit-Up' some bright spark reminded me of Dame Margot's allergy! It broke my heart to have to inform the powers that be that every bud had to be removed.
MICHAEL BUERK (Broadcaster)
When called upon to say a few words after a Luncheon at the London Capital Club he stood up and told guests:
'Hegel said that no man should speak for longer than he can make love'
A story is told of Miss Zadora's disastrous appearance off Broadway in the title role in The Diary Of Ann Frank. So bad was she that on the first night when the German soldiers entered the flat, the entire audience all shouted 'She's In The Attic!'
The truth? Miss Zadora has never played Off Broadway!!
He once informed the Master of a Cambridge College, whom he did not recognise, that the lady with whom he had just conversed was a ghastly old woman. He courteously indentified her for him as his wife.
Five minutes later he told this as an amusing anecdote to a new man who revealed himself as their son.
He was appearing in a play in London with Alistair Sim. He had to make a bad-tempered exit, which he did all too well taking the door handle with him. Alistair Sim was left on stage unable to make his exit.
The set had been established as being on the third floor, so he couldn't use the window. In the end, muttering dreadful oaths directed at him, he left through the chimney.
Driving home after the show, he was given a severe telling off. He said that he not only broke parts of the set, he broke props and two girls in the play had bruises where he had taken them gently by the arm.
He said he must learn to act properly and control his strength. In trying to defend himself he worked too hard again, the car made a terrible noise and found himself with the gear lever in his hand. He handed it to him, got out and walked home.
Rich's
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Broadway
SAM GOLDWYN (Real Name Godfish)
"An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
"Don't improve it into a flop!"
"Tell them to stand closer apart."
"For your information, just answer me one question!"
"In two words, impossible."
"It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities."
"Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it."
"A hospital is no place to be sick."
"Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success."
"I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."
"Yes, but keep copies." -- When his secretary asked him if she should destroy files that were over ten years old.
"Can she sing? She's practically a Florence Nightingale."
"Let's have some new cliches."
"I paid too much for it, but it's worth it."
"Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue."
"I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years."
"Never make forecasts, especially about the future."
"I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead."
"This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up."
"Why is everything so dirty here?" Goldwyn once asked of a film director. When told it was supposed to be a slum, Goldwyn responded, "Well, this slum cost a lot of money. It should look better than an ordinary slum."
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
"Gentlemen, listen to me slowly."
"Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting."
"Our comedies are not to be laughed at."
"Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be a forgotten memory
Did The Guy Know George Bush? (Ed)
Bit Of Fun!
WOODY ALLEN (Actor Director)
'If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's finger tips'.
'I'm very proud of my gold watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch'.
'Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering - and it's all over much too soon'
'Marriage is the death of hope'.
'I think sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic'.
MAGGIE SMITH (Actress)
Was asked once by an actress what the Director Anthony Page was like to work with as she was about to be directed by him.
She replied “Oh darling, he’s wonderful. He does everything I tell him.”
LIBERACE (Entertainer)
'You can have either the Resurrection or you can have Liberace. You can't have both'
'You know that bank I used to cry all the way to? I bought it'
(After the vile Daily Mirror Columnist Cassandra made a vicious attack)
'I won't mention his name and make him famous!'
SAMMY DAVIS JNR (Singer Dancer Actor)
All I really had was my talent. Without that I wouldn't be welcome at the White House.
Being a star has made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.
ELAINE STRITCH (Actress)
Her father's Advice? Wherever you go in life, Lainie. Whatever you do in life, Lainie. Remember what I'm telling you and never forget it. You are not the same after two Martinis."
'As the prostitute once said. It's not the work. It's the stairs.' the opening line of her sensational one woman show.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD (Actress)
"I'm as pure as the driven slush,"
The last word she spoke was "bourbon,"
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
LIONEL BART (Writer / Composer)
While in Hollywood, there to talk about the possibility of filming his Quasimodo based on The Hunchback Of Notre Dame. He was asked who his ideal set designer would be. Lionel said someone like Brueghel or Dore. The producer turned to his secretary and said:
'Check if those guys are available'.
MY FAIR LADY
Towards the end of her life the actress Margaret Halston was virtually blind and destitute. When she was 80 the management, HM Tennents, gave her the one-line part of Queen of Carpathia. They provided a taxi each night to take her home. On one particular occasion the taxi never turned up. Another member of the cast gave her a lift home.
She politely asked
'And what do you play, dear?'
'I play Eliza Dolittle' said Julie Andrews.
A E MATTHEWS (Actor / Director 1869-1960)
The Manor Of Northstead found his memory very dodgy and his part was very big. Trying to allay the managment and director's fears he assured them by saying:
'Not to worry, chaps. I promise you, even if we had to open next Monday, I'd be alright'.
'But' said the director, 'We do open on Monday'.
NOEL COWARD (Playwright Composer Actor)
At a party one evening, Noel Coward met a British actress who disliked him because he had rejected her for a role in one of his plays. He asked the woman if she had seen his current play, Private Lives "Oh yes," she replied. "Did you enjoy it?" Coward asked. "I did not find it very amusing," she said. "Chacun a son gout," he said with a shrug. "Did you see my performance of Lady Macbeth at the St. James recently?" she asked. "Oh yes," said Coward. "Did you enjoy it?" she asked. "Yes," Coward replied. "I found it very amusing."
During a rehearsal one day, he was repeatedly interrupted by a young actor brimming with questions about his character's motivation.
"Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday," Coward snapped at last. "Now get on with it!"
During a difficult rehearsal of Blithe Spirit one day, fellow thespian Claudette Colbert and he found themselves embroiled in a violent disagreement. "If you're not very careful," Colbert screamed, "I may throw something at you!"
"You might start," Coward replied, "with my cues!"
He once attended a dreary play clearly written around a fourteen-year-old so-called "prodigy" - who was on stage for most of the piece.
"Two things should have been cut," Coward remarked. "The second act and that youngster's throat."
One evening, famed broadcaster Gilbert Harding fell asleep during a performance of one of his plays - and proceeded to snore throughout the performance. Harding later profusely apologized. "No need to apologize, my dear fellow," Coward graciously replied. "After all, I have never bored you one half as much as you have bored me."
In 1962, after years on the stage at the Bristol Old Vic, Peter O'Toole finally landed a major role: as T. E. Lawrence in David Lean's masterpiece Lawrence of Arabia.
The part made O'Toole an international superstar and male sex symbol. Among his admirers was Noel Coward:
"If you'd been any prettier," the playwright once declared, "it would have been Florence of Arabia!"
He was once asked by a reporter whether he would like to say something to the stars. "Of course," he drily replied. "Twinkle."
“I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.”
“Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs”
“People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.”
“I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.”
"I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.”
HERBERT DRAPER BEERBOHM TREE (Actor Manager)
Popped into a post office, advanced on the counter and ordered an astonished assistant 'Show me some penny stamps'.
The young man slid a whole sheet of stamps across the counter. Tree spent some minutes examining them closely and
then pointed at one right in the middle. 'I'll have that one'.
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